Boxes Broken

A while ago, while I was still at training camp, I wrote about confining God. I described how we often put Him in a box, believing He only acts according to our expectations. I have kept God in a box for far too long. I have limited Him in how He can speak to me and how He can work in my life.

My box began to break at training camp. I learned more about God’s character and how He works in and through us. One night, my squad mentor taught on the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I had never heard of this idea before, and it sounded strange. Baptism of the Holy Spirit is when God gives the Spirit to a believer for the purpose of serving others. It is most obvious in Acts 1:5, at Pentecost, when the disciples first receive the Spirit after Jesus leaves.

Now, here is where it may seem to get complicated. A person can believe in God and have the Spirit in them, but not be baptized by the Spirit. They are saved by belief in Christ, yet they may not be living to their full potential in Christ. They have the fruit of the Spirit, but not the gifts of the Spirit.

As I listened to my mentor teach, I was really confused. However, I felt prompted by the Spirit to ask to be baptized. I didn’t fully understand, and I never will. Yet, I am a sheep of my Shepherd, and I know His voice (John 10:27). I knew He was asking me to take a step of faith, so I did. That night, my leaders prayed over me to receive more of the Spirit. As they prayed, I felt the Spirit fill me in my gut. From there, it filled my whole body. I had never felt the presence of God so clearly. It felt like His presence was coursing through every part of me. In addition to physically feeling God, I felt more joy and peace.

I had no clue the journey God was beginning in my life – a journey of laying down old beliefs, and discerning new truths as God reveals them.

After I was baptized by the Holy Spirit, life continued in much the same way. At least, to my eyes it did. I did not experience any sudden gifts of the Spirit, like speaking in tongues or words of encouragement. I am very grateful that I didn’t because God knew my heart was not ready. Out of His incredible mercy, God started breaking down my expectations.

At this point, I moved to Guatemala. Almost immediately after arriving, the Lord led me to read the book “Listening Prayer” by Seth Barnes. God used this book to help me realize that He not only listens to me, but He truly wants to speak to me. Therefore, I started listening a lot more. By listening for His voice, reading the Bible, and learning not to hold back, God revealed more and more of His heart to me. Over months, His kindness, goodness, and graciousness sank deeper into my heart. My confusion as to why I did not see the gifts of the Spirit slowly transformed into gratefulness that God showed me mercy. He knows exactly what will puff me up versus what will truly honor Him. It all needs to be about Him. He deserves all glory, all honor, all power, and all dominion.

As my reverence for God grew, He was preparing me to break my box even more. Last Friday, as I sat in a discussion about reverence for God, I heard Him call me to be rebaptized. I had seen others get rebaptized, but I never thought that I would. I assumed God would never ask me because it seemed to go against my understanding of baptism. I mean, it’s only supposed to happen once, right? I could not think of any example of people being baptized more than once in the Bible. Yet, as I sat in that circle, the Spirit convicted me of making my Christianity all about me.

Two things clicked for me. First, God reminded me of all the rebaptisms I had witnessed these past few months. He asked me, “What fruit did you see?”. Memories flashed through my mind of people growing in their love for God and dancing in joy to the Lord. I saw the fruit of the Spirit. I knew that if I thought about it more, I would see all of the fruit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. “So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit” (Matthew 7:17-18). I would not have been able to see the fruit of the Spirit if the Spirit disapproved.

Then, the second realization came. If I had seen the fruit of the Spirit and heard God ask me to be rebaptized, then if I didn’t, I would be directly disobeying Him. Once again, I did not need to fully understand what God was doing in my life. I just knew that God was asking me to break the box where I keep putting Him. He asked me to finally make my faith all about Him, and not at all about me. In comparison to obeying the voice of God, my doctrines and experiences don’t matter. When He calls, I will answer. I am the bond-servant of Christ, ready to obey (Luke 17:9-10).

On January 30, I was rebaptized. Since then, I can attest to the fact that I have seen more of the fruit of the Spirit in my life. Now, I am excited to move forward with my box broken. I am excited to see how God keeps breaking my boxes. Jesus is worthy of it all!