As I said in my last post, my time in Eswatini was difficult. The main factors of this difficulty included spiritual warfare and sadness at this world's brokenness.

"Spiritual warfare" can be a difficult concept to grasp. We are always in a spiritual battle, but similar to any war, it can come in waves of magnitude. Recently for me, it felt constant. Every minute was a fight between God's truth and the lies of the enemy. A slightly silly example would be as if I started doubting that 2+2=4. We all know that 2+2=4 just like how I know what God says is true. Therefore, when we experience doubt or a "voice" that tells us that 2+2≠4, we know that it's a lie. Similarly, when it became hard to believe God's truth, I knew that the enemy, the father of lies, was attacking me. The simplicity of 2+2=4 became a fight to continue believing that 2+2=4. Spiritual attacks can come in different ways, but I experienced doubt like this example most recently.

While facing the enemy, I also felt sad at this world's brokenness. I have asked God to break my heart for what breaks His - to give me His compassion and love for this world. Well, He answered my prayer. Praise God that He did! While it's been hard, I wouldn't want it any other way. I know He still plans to grow my heart with His love. In the past, I have felt sad for specific hurts that I've noticed, like a friend going through a struggle, but recently it broadened to the world's brokenness as a whole.

Ultimately, these trials have led me to three topics: prayer, community, and hope.

First, I learned that the most effective response in these situations is prayer. Through prayer, we acknowledge hardship, yet humbly leave it all in God's hands. It is vitally important to seek the Lord as our Defender and Deliverer. He is our Shield from the enemy's attacks and He is the only One who carries us out of darkness. In an applicable way, both James 4:6-8 and 1 Peter 5:5-10 describe an important pattern to follow: submit to God, then resist the devil. We are not strong enough to keep going on our own. However, we serve a God who has more than enough strength for us. Nevertheless, we need to ask for His help. We need to cry out to Him and we know He'll answer us because of His Word (Psalm 34:17-18).

Similarly, just as God waits for me to ask for help from Him, I've also been learning to ask for help from my community. I love to try to get through hardship on my own, or really just me and Jesus. Yet "just me and Jesus" isn't right either. God gave us community for many reasons, one of which is to bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2). I've realized that when I refuse to ask for someone to pray over me, or for a different form of help, I am simply being proud. My actions show what I really believe, which is that I'm strong enough on my own. But, I'm not! I need God and I need His people.

Lastly, this season deepened my understanding of hope. In facing attack and darkness, I've learned to look towards heaven - where God will have ultimately defeated the enemy and there will only be the light of His glory. Within the unfathomable expanse of eternity, now is the only time that we can feel grief or pain. Yet without the understanding of darkness that we gain in this life, we would miss out on the greatest possible understanding of God's light. As one of my friends said, "It actually makes grieving worthwhile when you think about it like that". Similarly, 2 Corinthians 4:17 says, "For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison". Our pain, our grief is worthwhile. It has a purpose. It is preparing us for something greater than we could ever imagine. If that's not good news, then I don't know what is.

Overall, this season has been difficult, yet I'm thankful for the ways it has drawn me into deeper dependence on God, closer community with people, and higher hope for heaven.

(I did not go into a lot of detail as to what spiritual warfare is in this blog. If you have any questions or want resources to learn more, please reach out to me.)